Watch T.V., Read Newspapers, Die!

A 4 point system of world domination and happiness via mind-free living.

In this age of turmoil and constant stress, we feel it is necessary to push the people of the world into a new age. One in which the average citizen can be comfortable with their situation. The goal here is to let them be lulled into a mindframe not unlike that of a beautiful dream - where all cares are arbitrary and remote. This will do wonders for the World Economy and will bolster the illusion of civilization that seems to be fraying at the edges by many of our analysts. It is because of this that the following must go into effect immediately:

  • All citizens of the New Order over age 6 are required to attend a local high class shopping mall for a minimum of three hours a week. Coupons for Couture Boutiques will be mailed out in accordance with individual citizen paydays cited on their IRS forms. This will precipitate the penetration of high fashion to the middle class and serve as a breeding ground for future porn stars.

  • All citizens of the New Order under 12 years of age must watch a minimum of 50 hours of Reality Television* a week in order to condition themselves into uber-mensch, willing to humiliate those with the even the slightest flaw. Recognition of physical and emotional perfection is a must, i.e. those with flaws must be thrown off the island a la Survivor . In addition to perfecting sloppy body image, this will also raise the level of priority of a great hair style and designer clothes. This rule combined with rule number 1 will create a mind share amongst out citizens that they must have the latest and greatest, which will precipitate a magnificent domino effect on the local economy.

  • A shit bag guy must be in the Book Suppository at all times. No shit must be thrown at the system. Those brave/stupid enough to disobey this simple rule will be subject to repeat beatings by the adopted muscular children of Rosie O’Donnell. Those who defy this rule on more than one occasion will be recruited into the government for future assassination.

  • Official religion of the state with be “Y.” Which will preach endless contemplation about this life or the possibility of the next without ever coming to any concrete conclusions. Thus, this religion will force the public into utter butter fuck and worship of proclaimed teen German Supergroup Captain Lovely and the Gladtastabyas . The ubermensch will be the protective order of Y .

brought to you by: c.a. todd & ruest

Avatar
Nick Ruest
Associate Librarian
comments powered by Disqus